Okay you know what I'm giving up. It's over.
I tried everything to built my muscles but it didn't work, But te worse part is I'm starting to be depressed again. I'm listening to sad songs I used to listen. I barely eat. I do a lot of workouts. I spend my nights crying myself to sleep. I barely leave my room. I stared to hate my body. And my parents didn't even noticed. They don't care. And my brother keep saying how he loose weight even when he eat for 8 times a day. and the fact he weight is lower just about 15-20 kg from mine is scaring me. So I really want my body back. And right now I do not care how I looked because I loved those peoples when they looked at me and saw how skinny I was. It was the first time when I was proud of myself. I made something I really wanted- I was really proud. And now? I barely can control myself when I'm eating,I mean there are times when I don't eat. And then there are days when I can't stop eating. So from today I'm goning back to time. and I'm wondering when do my parents realize I'm changing again. I'm looking at those my old pics and I had pretty flat stomach and thighs gap. And I want them back. So hard work will pay off,I hope so. Becasue these all food I'm eating nowadays just makes me bigger and bigger. And everyone around me already noticed it. So I want to hear "OMG YOU LOOKS SO SKINNY" again. I know there is something wrong with me. I know it. But I want it to be this way. Everyone is dealing with their own problems. So this is my problem I guess.
And right now all those "all size are beautiful. You don't have to be skinny to be pretty" and all other shits like these aren't working for me. So I will bring that voice from my head back to life. And this time we will be best friends who try to kill each other. I'm sorry for this articel,but I don't know what to do with myself I hate how big my lower belly is,and how my thighs are touching. I want back my 55cm big waist and that nice gap between my legs.....But I do not want all that negativity...I don't know how I could think I was fat I was perfect........
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