Okay,so I just wanted to say this..I saw a lot of pro ana accounts followed me on instagram,and I don't even have personal account,so I wanted to tell you it is nothing you would wanted in your life,it will ruin you,your life,family,everything and everyone around you,your mind will be your worst enemy,and every day will be about hating yourself,you will just think about all the food you can't eat,about how much you have to exercise and stuff like this,you will by lifeless,you will be tired.I was like that too,last summer before my recovery started,I can't remember last summer! I was so tired,I couldn't even move I just slept all day,then something told me I have to move so I started workout and I didn't know how to stop,so I worked out till I didn't fall on the floor,I ate just an apple a day,I was mentally sick,I was depressed,and mean...I was skin and bone,and I still thought I'm fat...Why would you want something like this in your life? You can loose weight if you want,just keep it in heathly way,eat,sleep,take care of yourself,don't loose control of your mind.
I remember when I asked for help (there's nothing wrong about it,just ask for help,it's good for you,actually it's the best thing you can do for yourself) I did some eating disorder tests,I wanted to be sure if I'm really sick,and when everything told me I'm,I called my mom,and showed it to her,I started crying in that minute...I tried to recover without therapist,and psychiatrist,and "happy pill" but it didn't work.So we had to find out some help,and happily we did,my start was really hard,and actually I didn't want to,but something was telling me,it's good for me when I want to live,and that voice was right....
Doctrors made some some blood tests,heart tests,and so,and results terrified me. It was saying my heart were slowly dying,and my blood was such a mess,so literally I was dying! I was so scared,I cried,I didn't care there was people who looked at me,I must looked like and idiot,but right in that moment the only thing I was thinking about was "I don't want to die"
In my recovery were days when I told myself you need to eat it is good for you,but well,there were days,when I didn't want to eat anything,because I thought everyone would notice I'm gaining weight,well sometime I have those days even now. But now I eat normally,and I do exercise too,okay,maybe I don't have the best body ever,but I'm living and that the point.
And I want to tell you how it all started,well,short version is,my sister was sick,she got cancer,and, she died,and my brother always laughed I'm fat,pig or so,and while my sister live everyrhing was okay,because she protected me,she was an angel,and then when she was gone I lost a piece of myslef too,so it was easier for the illness to hit me. And I didn't want to admint I was really sick. And don't think I hated food,I loved it,I just couldn't be able to eat it. I love baking and cooking,but while I was sick I didn't eat anything I made,I did it just for my family...And I hate to admint it,but my life will never be the same,because the bad voice is still in my head,but I taught how to control it,but it can come back to living anytime,and I'm scared of this...
Now it is more than year since my recovery started,and I feel really good,I feel energize,happy,I feel I'm living my life again,and even there are bad days,it will get better,and I can't give up...But I'm still scared a little,because I still didn't get my period,and it more than 2 years,so I'm scared what if I will never have it? I will never be able to have kids? That can't be possible... So whenever I'm thinking about not eating and go back to my past I think about this,about kids and my future...
So please girls,boys don't try to be anorextic,becasuse it is illness,not a life style. You don't want it in your life BELIEVE ME. Everyday will be living hell for you...
Please eat,eat, you need food,it nessesary for you!!
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