It's almost end of summer and I didn't change anything.
I had 2 months and I wanted to toned my body,but nothing changed even thought I workout and keep eat healthy.
And...yea I do feel fine,but time to time I eat more than I should,and I'm scared I'm emocial eater or overeater,because sometimes I can't control myself,and I read some articles about it,and I'm just scared,because when it comes to food I starved myself for a long times,and now I'm eating again and sometimes I have those attacks when I can't control myseilf,and I weighted myself this morning and I gained about 1-2kg,I know it's not much but for person as I'm it is a lot.
I was battling with anorexia,and I don't want to fight with overeating,or any other E.D.
Sunday, 17 August 2014
Thursday, 14 August 2014
Models are so skinny that photoshop editors have to make them larger
I'm asking you IS THIS MORMALS?
I don't think so.
Just look at her.
It's all because of media,they are changing us,and we don't even realise that.
and pics like this aren't normal. I'm sure she doesn't eat as much as she should do. Adults persons should eat about 2000 calories per day. I don't think she does that.
There is somethig bad about todays media,I said it a lot of time,but media are really bad for us,and for what are we doing.I can't believe how much they have to change her to look like normal woman, I can count every bone in her body,and that's not right. I was also looking at some models from 20-50s and the change in body size is breathtaking.(in wrong way)
these pics are from 30-40s and they waists of models started to be thinner and thinner.
I don't think so.
Just look at her.
It's all because of media,they are changing us,and we don't even realise that.
and pics like this aren't normal. I'm sure she doesn't eat as much as she should do. Adults persons should eat about 2000 calories per day. I don't think she does that.
There is somethig bad about todays media,I said it a lot of time,but media are really bad for us,and for what are we doing.I can't believe how much they have to change her to look like normal woman, I can count every bone in her body,and that's not right. I was also looking at some models from 20-50s and the change in body size is breathtaking.(in wrong way)
these pics are from 30-40s and they waists of models started to be thinner and thinner.
Donţ try to look like a supermodel on cover of the magazine,even supermodel doesn't look like supermodel
I want to talk about magazine once again.
Because when was the last time you bought magazine,opend up your browser and saw the same body shape that looks like yours?
Even models you see on the cover of magazines are the models you see,media wants us to buy those magazine so they could make money easier,and they don't think about how the can control our lifes,but as you can see on the pictures below even the most beautiful models aren't so beautiful without make up or photo editors
When was the last time you felt comfortable in your skin?
When was the last time you didn't compare yourself with somebody else?
Media wants us to become somebody we are not.They are showing us bodies and faces that aren't real. They don't care about how bad it is for young girls,or even kids and boys.
Everywhere I look I see "diet" "loose weight" "how become skinny" "stop eating" "our diet really works" "you can loose x pounds in one week" etc. and these articles are rally triggering I think. For me,person who had (have) an eating disorder it is really trigger,because there are days when I think myself "why is everybody loosing weight,but me?" Bit the fact is I don't need to loose any more weight,but those pictures makes me feel bad about myself and my body. Like when I look at my belly I wish I could have that pretty tiny waist as models do.
But why should something like TV and magazines rules my life,why should they tell me what is good for me and what isn't? I know what is the best for it. Because I know my body better than them.
And I would really love if I saw some plus size models on billboards,on the TV,magazines. I would like to read magazine and saw something like "Yes I'm overweigt but I love who I'm,and I won't change it" I would like to read something else than "how to loose weight in one week"
I know,some of articels may be good for us if we want to live healthy ,it's okay,I get it,but starving yourself isn't answer for anything. Actually it's really bad for your body.
Nobody should tell us how to live our lifes.
and there are some facts about body shape
Because when was the last time you bought magazine,opend up your browser and saw the same body shape that looks like yours?
Even models you see on the cover of magazines are the models you see,media wants us to buy those magazine so they could make money easier,and they don't think about how the can control our lifes,but as you can see on the pictures below even the most beautiful models aren't so beautiful without make up or photo editors
When was the last time you felt comfortable in your skin?
When was the last time you didn't compare yourself with somebody else?
Media wants us to become somebody we are not.They are showing us bodies and faces that aren't real. They don't care about how bad it is for young girls,or even kids and boys.
Everywhere I look I see "diet" "loose weight" "how become skinny" "stop eating" "our diet really works" "you can loose x pounds in one week" etc. and these articles are rally triggering I think. For me,person who had (have) an eating disorder it is really trigger,because there are days when I think myself "why is everybody loosing weight,but me?" Bit the fact is I don't need to loose any more weight,but those pictures makes me feel bad about myself and my body. Like when I look at my belly I wish I could have that pretty tiny waist as models do.
But why should something like TV and magazines rules my life,why should they tell me what is good for me and what isn't? I know what is the best for it. Because I know my body better than them.
I know,some of articels may be good for us if we want to live healthy ,it's okay,I get it,but starving yourself isn't answer for anything. Actually it's really bad for your body.
Nobody should tell us how to live our lifes.
and there are some facts about body shape
Thursday, 31 July 2014
DO NOT TRY TO HAVE AN EATONG DISORDER. IT IS NOT RIGHT
Eating disorder (little piece still is,I think) used to be part of my past ,and I don't want it back in my life.
Okay,so I just wanted to say this..I saw a lot of pro ana accounts followed me on instagram,and I don't even have personal account,so I wanted to tell you it is nothing you would wanted in your life,it will ruin you,your life,family,everything and everyone around you,your mind will be your worst enemy,and every day will be about hating yourself,you will just think about all the food you can't eat,about how much you have to exercise and stuff like this,you will by lifeless,you will be tired.I was like that too,last summer before my recovery started,I can't remember last summer! I was so tired,I couldn't even move I just slept all day,then something told me I have to move so I started workout and I didn't know how to stop,so I worked out till I didn't fall on the floor,I ate just an apple a day,I was mentally sick,I was depressed,and mean...I was skin and bone,and I still thought I'm fat...Why would you want something like this in your life? You can loose weight if you want,just keep it in heathly way,eat,sleep,take care of yourself,don't loose control of your mind.
Okay,so I just wanted to say this..I saw a lot of pro ana accounts followed me on instagram,and I don't even have personal account,so I wanted to tell you it is nothing you would wanted in your life,it will ruin you,your life,family,everything and everyone around you,your mind will be your worst enemy,and every day will be about hating yourself,you will just think about all the food you can't eat,about how much you have to exercise and stuff like this,you will by lifeless,you will be tired.I was like that too,last summer before my recovery started,I can't remember last summer! I was so tired,I couldn't even move I just slept all day,then something told me I have to move so I started workout and I didn't know how to stop,so I worked out till I didn't fall on the floor,I ate just an apple a day,I was mentally sick,I was depressed,and mean...I was skin and bone,and I still thought I'm fat...Why would you want something like this in your life? You can loose weight if you want,just keep it in heathly way,eat,sleep,take care of yourself,don't loose control of your mind.
Saturday, 26 July 2014
OMG
Okay,I want to write something personal today. So it was normal morning,I woke up,and I was home alone,so I did some HIIT workout,but after that my mom called me and she told me my brother come with them,and with our dog (he doesn't live with us anymore) And I thought great,I can bake some pies,muffins and a lot of other sweets because I know how much they love it (actually I'm the only one from our whole family who don't eat anything that comes from animals,and also I don't eat anything sweet,or junk,I'm a little black sheep as my brother use calling me) But the "bad thing" came after lunch,my brother told me he wants to go run,and I was oh okay,no problem I like running. But it was so f*cking hard,like how can my brother run so fast? We were running like for 2 hours,or even more,and I was dying..and I still can't feel my legs,but it was also good,because we were talking about a lot of things,and he have no idea,but I love these our little talks,it means a lot to me,and I'm glad I have him...And he wants me to go run with him even tomorrow,and I really I want to go. Because I came out of my comfort zone today,and it felt so good,and I want to become better at running,because I don't run every single day, I workout with weight,and pilates,and yoga a lot like 6x per week,but I run just for 1-3 days a month and I want to change it....Today I ate a lot,so that run was good way how to burn it of,but I don't feel guilty after a long time :) And I didn't care that I don't have six pack or pretty abs on my belly etc. I accepted I don't have size 2 or 0 and the fact I don't like a supermodel,because even supermodels don't look like a supermodels ;) not everyhing you see have to be the truth..
Monday, 21 July 2014
Nothing to write about
I wish I was an active blogger,but honestly I have no idea what to write about..I have too much thoughts on my mind,but I don't know how to put them down on the paper....My holidays aren't the best,and I'm not doing anything special,most of days I'm home alone,with my dog,and all days are the same,Icook for myself,I'mdoing house work,I for walk with dog,do some workout, I clean up house,and the again cook something,and my dad and mom come back from work (about 5-6pm) and then I do workout again,and have a shower,watch some movie with them and then I go to sleep,I'm bored of this life...I wish I had more money so I could spend my holidys traveling around the world,there are places I would love to visit.. Every year I tell myself THIS YEAR WILL BE DIFFERENT. But It is a lie and nothing ever change...
But I think,maybe if I wasn't so scared of unknowing my free time would be much diffenrt,and now I'm thining about spend some of my days in my brother flat,because he lives in the city,and I want to meet one boy who is living there too,but we've never saw each other,we're just chatting..but he is cute....and I think he is really nice,but I'm scared he wouldn't like me...
But I think,maybe if I wasn't so scared of unknowing my free time would be much diffenrt,and now I'm thining about spend some of my days in my brother flat,because he lives in the city,and I want to meet one boy who is living there too,but we've never saw each other,we're just chatting..but he is cute....and I think he is really nice,but I'm scared he wouldn't like me...
Wednesday, 9 July 2014
Feeling huge....
Okay...I already wrote about those bad days,well,today is one of those bad days of mine again...
I,I think,no I know I ate too much today,and I couldn't know how to stop,I mean,breakfast was okay,but then,OMG nightmare,I don't want to be one of those "Pro ana".blogs,and I will never come back to this point,NEVER EVER in my life,it was worst time of my life! I don't get it why people want this illness in their life...It is nothing good,and I will never be fully healthy...
But I want to talk about my day a little,well few last days my tummy hurt so bad I couldn't eat almost anything I ate just those bread cracer
It looks like this,and I haven't eaten these things for ages,and I'm scared because my mom wants me to eat it everyday,but I lost my abs,my belly is one huge pack,I'm pretty upset,because I don't know what to do,I think I wouldn't take it so serious if it was wholemeal,but it was from normal flour,and that scare me a little. My panic attack isn't so big as it used to be,and guilt feeling isn't big too,but anyways I want my pretty flat stomach back,I may take those tummy,muscles stuff too serious,but I was fatass for so long,and then I was skin and bones...I went from one extrem to another one,and now I'm trying to keep my weight,to be healthy,to have muscles,and just be happy with myself,but I think I will take a little while to me to feel comfortable in my own skin,It is like a roller coaster once you are high and then you are down,and my feeling are the same,there are days when I'm one big sun,I'm smiling at everyone,I'm happy,and I don't really care about how I look,I feel good,but then rhere are days like this one (or even worse) and I'm angry and mean and I want to shot everyone to their head becasue I think they are laughing at me how worhless I'm,and how fat,and fat I'm. I know it is somethig unreal for someone,but I just feel it this way...I was thinking today that I won't eat tomorrow becasue I ate too much today,and I don't really know,I know I shouldn't do it,but my tummy hurts again after today,so I don't want to feel the pain I felt...So yup I won't probably eat tomorrow....And I'm sorry for not being interesting....
And I'm sorry for not being here for a little while....But I didn't feel well...I still don't...but anyways I hope one day I will have body I want...
See you soon guys
I,I think,no I know I ate too much today,and I couldn't know how to stop,I mean,breakfast was okay,but then,OMG nightmare,I don't want to be one of those "Pro ana".blogs,and I will never come back to this point,NEVER EVER in my life,it was worst time of my life! I don't get it why people want this illness in their life...It is nothing good,and I will never be fully healthy...
But I want to talk about my day a little,well few last days my tummy hurt so bad I couldn't eat almost anything I ate just those bread cracer
It looks like this,and I haven't eaten these things for ages,and I'm scared because my mom wants me to eat it everyday,but I lost my abs,my belly is one huge pack,I'm pretty upset,because I don't know what to do,I think I wouldn't take it so serious if it was wholemeal,but it was from normal flour,and that scare me a little. My panic attack isn't so big as it used to be,and guilt feeling isn't big too,but anyways I want my pretty flat stomach back,I may take those tummy,muscles stuff too serious,but I was fatass for so long,and then I was skin and bones...I went from one extrem to another one,and now I'm trying to keep my weight,to be healthy,to have muscles,and just be happy with myself,but I think I will take a little while to me to feel comfortable in my own skin,It is like a roller coaster once you are high and then you are down,and my feeling are the same,there are days when I'm one big sun,I'm smiling at everyone,I'm happy,and I don't really care about how I look,I feel good,but then rhere are days like this one (or even worse) and I'm angry and mean and I want to shot everyone to their head becasue I think they are laughing at me how worhless I'm,and how fat,and fat I'm. I know it is somethig unreal for someone,but I just feel it this way...I was thinking today that I won't eat tomorrow becasue I ate too much today,and I don't really know,I know I shouldn't do it,but my tummy hurts again after today,so I don't want to feel the pain I felt...So yup I won't probably eat tomorrow....And I'm sorry for not being interesting....And I'm sorry for not being here for a little while....But I didn't feel well...I still don't...but anyways I hope one day I will have body I want...
See you soon guys
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